
Empty square room
dono why
the feel came from no way..
it just popped out all of a sudden
not under my control
not following the neurotransmittor direction
not reactioning well under the influences of all my
oestrogen
progesterone
my hypothalamus
my medulla oblongata
my anterior pituitary gland
are not working well with
nor
coordinating with my spinal cord
and the signal transmittion is just going wrong...
very wrong
to the stimuli from the external environment
is not that i got hit from someone
is not that someone bomb me or wat
and there is no anyone doing the wrong time here..
truely
sincerely
even now
at this moment
i don reali know what i feel
i don reali know what i doing
i don even know what is in my mind now
i just crapping out anything
that come into my mind
pieces
mixed
unmatched
here n there
laying there in no way
i bet these are all something to occupy my empty feelings
it is just so empty that i dono what should i think
so unsecured
so uneasy
to have nothing in my mind...
Story start:the main character of the story
once called ice ninja
who are now known as Drama queen
faced more and more problems that she never met before
and her attitudes changed
she used to be as fierce as possible
and she just gets angry
with no care at all
cause she is just straight forward
there may not be many people
who understand her
who know why she do that
who get what she means hidden under her words
who realize the real her in her eyes
to some people
she is just a monster
sometimes
she just laughs as loud as she could
sometimes
she just emo as long as she want
sometimes
she just cries as heartbreaking as she wishes
this second
she is happily chatting with friends
the next second
she is down
and emo
this moment
she can cry until her eyes pain
until dehydrated
next moment
she can just forget everything
can laugh happily with others
this is who she is -- Drama queen
sometimes
she herself got confused
is she a bad gal
or is she a good gal
is she kind
or is she evil
she thinks a lot
until whoever met her
told her
u think too much
but she just stop thinking
cause all this while
experience told her
what she thought are always true
what she fears of
will ended up happening in real life
someone asked her:
"Drama queen
what are u looking at? is there anything so fun so nice to capture ur attention?"
Drama queen ans:
"nothing.. but it's just nice to look at people around."
nobody knows why
but she knows
cause
she tries to understand every single one of the people around her
and her six sense is always correct
she knows everything
but she din make any noises
cause
her mum once told her
the best ans for any question is:
I DONO
and just act u know nothing
and this reali works in Drama queen life..
Drama queen doesn't know how to express herself
cause she don wan to
in fact
we should say that
she don wan anyone
to touch
to get access to
her most hidden
deepest heart
which is so much fragile than what she thinks is
Drama queen - a name from someone for her
cause to someone
she is just a bitch
with no directions
who acts a lot in her life just like putting show up
she is a jerk
who can simply drop a drop of tear
in a second
but does anyone know that tears don fake?
even for an actor
who drop tears in one second
still
there is a background story
behind that little
crystal clear
fragile
drops of tears
and who knows?
no point telling anyone
cause that anyone does not deserve to listen to ur craps
so need not bring trouble to people
the best way is to keep it to urself
so after this long crapping of who Drama queen is, lets move on cause i know u r excited :))
*************************************************************************************
there was once a guy
named Chimpanzee
haha.. i just like this name
she knew his presence way long time ago
i bet it was when even she dono how to skate well
so did him
but nothing on between them
cause she is not his type
n he is not her type
so simple....
someone asked Drama queen
is ur type Chimpanzee?
Drama queen:
"absolutely no dude....
i will never never like Chimpanzee"
the main point where both Chimpanzee get know of each other
is cause of this nice straight forward courage gal named Squirrel
Squirrel had a crush on Chimpanzee
i know it sounds funny in animal sense...
still it's a fact
and Squirrel told Drama queen
she was so scared that she don even dare to sms Chimpanzee and look at the msg...
when Drama queen knew that
she was like
wat de????
why Chimpanzee?
so funny.. i will never fancy him.. never ever..
that was what she thought
and this was the 1st scene.......
Drama queen will never forget this day
u won forget though
cause
did u ever see a Chimpanzee
who looked so pro
and went on ice so cool
all u can expect was just he was gonna skate nice
but
out of sudden
he just fell
god knows why....
he forgot to take out his blade guard..........................
Chimpanzee fell on ice.....
world history man... lol....
since then,
things go pretty good as what it should be
n time flies.......
until one day....
a gal came to Drama queen......
*************************************************************************************
cinderella: hi.. are u the one alibaba's friend named ***?
Drama queen: yup... u r.??
cinderella: i am *** u can call me ***
Drama queen: hi. i know u...
cinderella: can i get ur phone number? so that i can call u up next time so tat we can skate together?
Drama queen: sure.. why not....
cinderella: u skated for a long time? i dono how to skate leh.. i got no friends here
Drama queen: i just ok ok oli... i also no friends here wat.. if u reali like to skate like no others business.. not a need to have friends...
i bet Cinderella will think i am still acting here right now...
i am not.... i remembered everything
every single details
and this amazed many people
even they ask why i remember so clearly...
what can i say?
u won believe me...
i just care....
i care...
it is a part of my life..
n i m right now writing my own history..
to occupy myself when i am free
to get myself tougher
to give myself a reason to escape or being lazy
and lastly...
to equip myself with huge bunch of stories without losing any memories when all my children of the earth ask me for stories... :))
time traveller traveled here and there..
clock ticking fast
faces changing in high speed in life
and a white flashing light leads us to..................
*************************************************************************************
Drama queen: hi.. long time no c.. how are u guys
cinderella and others: hi.... fine..... :))
after couple of months
Drama queen came back to ice from no way...
n alibaba was there....
just in an U-turn junction, cinderella n her friends including Chimpanzee want to leave....
cause alibaba was here..
Drama queen: what time u leaving?
cinderella: erm.. bout 6 to 7pm i guess....
---------------long pause----------------------
cinderella: i dono what should i do now.. one side is my old friend (alibaba), another side is friends that i have known for one week.... what should i do???
drama queen: i doubt.. *smiling*
day ended up with cinderella leaving at 3 something with her one-week-old friends
Drama queen felt miserable....
she knew why
just that she don wan to admit
don even want to think..
suddenly
a sense of being used
being left out
just spilled out bitterly from her nerves..
but... so what??
who cares? neither she cares..
earth continue to spin with no one business
water continue to flow
sun continue to shine
high in the middle of the sky
showering the lives and loves in the city
and three months later...............
*************************************************************************************
Drama queen was closer to this guy named Blue smurf...
she knew his things
cause out of no way
he just told her...
and things going into track with the spamming of Chimpanzee's wall
Blue smurf asked Drama queen who does Chimpanzee like?
and he told her he think it was cinderella...
still..... Drama queen thinks...
NONE of MY business
Chimpanzee n Drama queen got closer when blue smurf asked both of them n cinderella out to celebrate Chimpanzee's belated bday....
while we all four aliens
having fun
eating food
out of a sudden
cinderella said:
why u wan to ask me out for movie? why don u call Chimpanzee and Drama queen?
a sudden jerk on the heart occurred
Drama queen felt so uneasy
she kept on telling herself
isn't it obvious?
everyone knows....
so whats the purpose of u telling out?
yet she kept quiet....
even though she knew why..
she kept on pursuing herself not to think so
cause it was a bad act on others
maybe they mean no offense...
and let be it...
Drama queen is so much fortunate
she got herself a moderate family
not rich not poor
yet with full love...
although her family members are a kind of weird
since everyone of them so reluctant to show their loves to one another in a proper way
in fact
they think the way they doing so far represented all
outsider may not understand them
yet
the house is always full with cares and warm
even though they kept on arguing sometimes for the sake of cares available for each others
and because of this pretty well
warm family n fortune Drama queen have
the fairies started to get jealous..
and these little narrow hearted fairies made Drama queen reached her twenties.....
with cakes steamboats
they celebrated for Drama queen...
but she was not tat happy actually that day.
cause of something.
something she herself don even understand why she felt so until today.....
Drama queen: i know who u like
cinderella *holding hands with drama queen: who? don tell me u think is chimpanzee....
Drama queen smiled and twinkled with one of her eyebrows lifting up....
Drama queen: i din say so.. so how was ur blue smurf?
cinderella: i rejected him three times... i got no feel to him la..
Drama queen: how bout sugar baby then?
cinderella: nope... we are just sifu and student... i actually had crush on someone.... do u know who is ***? i like him... but so far i don feel guilty for blue smurf and sugar baby but Chimpanzee...
Drama queen *alarmed*: huh? what?
cinderella: he proposed to me using video..i rejected him yet i feel guilty to him...
Drama queen: ..........
deep in mind
hormones drifted Drama queen into the hollow ground helplessly.
wondering what happened to herself
she kept on having this conversation and scene vividly
stucked in her brain
again and again~~~
she thinks she knew why
just again she don wan to admit
cause she not supposed to...
even herself is not sure
until her friend Siamese cat asked:
"are u couple with Chimpanzee? why not.. u two got lots of similarities"
and her little Bambee said:
"sometimes i feel that Chimpanzee n Drama queen quite matched"
and white rabbit in Alice in the wonderland said:
" are both of u trying to fight who is better in biting straw?"
Drama queen was cleared...
of everything
but..
her oli wish is to keep it as a secret to herself
she thought she is fine with it
and she just shared it with another her - the inner her in the middle of the nite..
*************************************************************************************
Chimpanzee: sorry for misunderstanding u.
Drama queen: is ok i am fine.. just a bit emo
Chimpanzee: why did u cry?
Drama queen *unwilling to tell* : nothing
she couldnt angry Chimpanzee and cinderella
cause she cant
she just cant
looking at her cellphone writing:
can u at least reply me? u wan to end this friendship or wat? i already rejected him n we are impossible...
she typed:
i din fancy him! don perasan.....
when she finally came to face to face with her..
she just couldnt hold her tears anymore and just melted down..
she ran to the entrance
forgetting she was on ice
forgetting everything
n she just fell on it..
without putting much attention to it..
she dashed out and burst into tears
she got no one to tell
except herself.....
and here came cinderella..
putting Drama queen's head on her shoulder
comforting her..
Drama queenfelt guilty
for that very second
she shouldnt don reply cinderella
cause what cinderella did tat very moment
just like an angel touching n comforting Drama queen's bottom of her heart genderly with cares
she forgave her....
even though she don reali angry her...
that faithful week
was catching drama queen's nerve...
she was determined to forget him...
by keep on telling herself...
don be foolish Drama queen...
he aint urs...
both of them are ur friends..
n u shouldnt be doing this...
however,
he misled her..
watever he did
told Drama queen down her spinal cord that
there is something in between them...
unwilling to let herself drown again
she refused to think..
and blamed herself for thinking way too far..
and all of a sudden
the generous Father
sends His guidance angel to earth
for involving the White rabbit from Wonderland (WW)
she is innocent
liking someone isn't a fault
Drama queen understand her...
but she just all of a sudden acted like she hated her for centuries..
Drama queen felt it
but she denied
and Chimpanzee said she was just being too sensitive...
until recently...
the worst thing that Drama queen thought of which she don even wish it would happen happened...
neither she angry
nor she sad
she just felt too numb to accept everything alone....
her shoulder is way too heavy for her body.
she cant take it much more...
she blamed she kicked she cried..
but still it doesn't cure
even till now...
Drama queen felt so ridiculous of what WW said bout her
cause they are all such a funny fake joke that she din even do
not even related to came to her
n she cant stop laughing at herself
while having blue mood......
she knew cinderella likes Chimpanzee
she also knew why cinderella did these...
just tat she cant imagine
cant even think of a reason why cinderella did tat to her...
her words hurt her
way too deeply
she don blame her...
but still hoping that cinderella can recall of what they have gone through so far together
cause drama queen reali appreciate this precious time they had before...
once u let go..
u may not have the chance again to be together
drama queen hopes cinderella understands her even till now..
someone asked Drama queen:
"where is Chimpanzee then? why don he stand up for u since he knew the god honest truth?"
smiling with solemn and sorrow in her eyes,
Drama queen don wanna give any comments
cause
inside her heart
two sides of feel are war-ing..
she hopes she can do something...
but she cant..
she wants to prove she aint drama queen
who puts up shows
just
she don have a chance
cause all the bullets falling on her body
frictionless
directionless
dimensionless
feel-less
story -ends
Believe~
my mum once said:
"three of u i worry for u the most
u this kind of personalities made me worried the most..
changed..
don be so naive so childish anymore my daughter,
there is no more kindness in this world
u need to face the real world
those people u think nice are not as simple as wat u think..."
another day,
she said
"three of u, ur elder sister is the most independent one.
i need not to worry for her.
ur younger sister is way better than u.
she don show her emotion out she hides it even though she don like..
this is wat u n ur elder sister cant do...
but,among three of u.. u are the the oli one with the most kind heart.
this is ur very very good.
however,
just because of this good, it ended up to a bad."
mum...
i love u.
i always love u.
even though sometimes i am so stubborn
i don listen to u
i opposed to what u said...
i am sorry..
i know u want it for my own good..
i love u
but
mum..
give me ur hands..
i know sometimes i am too naive
too easy to believe anyone.
but isn't it good?
is true i will get hurt always
by those hard hearted people.
by those who want to take advantages of me.
but if get hurt a bit,
being taken advantages a bit
i can save the world why not?
if sacrificing myself for tat a bit hurt,
i can make everyone happy
isn't it a happy ending?
if everyone scared of being hurt
being taken advantages of
where is the love?
no one will be showing helping hands to each other again..
isn't it sad?
"Where Is The Love?"
What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'In the USA,
the big CIA fightin'
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love, the love, the love?
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
mum..
u once told me i am weirdo..
i kept on arguing with sisters n cant get along with them
not tat i hate them mumjust tat our points of views are different.
u said over my whole body there are lots of birth marks..
u said it's because i last life was born as a china gal that my parents don wan gal but boy
so they torture me to death
n tats why i got marks
u once told me i was born eleven months
people's babies born with head out first
but i am the reverse one.
u said this is called 坐莲出世
n this person is very clever.
坐莲出世 isn't it like 观音菩萨?
what does this indicate?
can it be one reason to explain
why i so naive
so stupid
so easy to trust people
so easy get hurt n kind?
i got hurt a lot mum...
especially when i am out here alone
in this fast moving
lifeless
cold
city
yet these dont change me
they don change my heart
even though
i've been mistaken by everyone
i've been blamed for everything
still
i am not regretting
cause i took out my sincere
my heart
my love
to meet
to chat
to treat people.
they may think i am acting
i am stupid
i am stubborn
i am noob
still i tried my best to save
to manage
to avoid
even though no one believe me
but i know god will..
He will....
i m certain
He knows n tats why He sent me here
i bet i have changed
not to become a totally isolated
or cold blooded people
but i have changed by chance or by faith
to a tougher person
engaged with a heart of tears n hopes
for a better tomolo
i was once blamed on u mum
for bringing me here
i am sorry for what i did before.
i acted stupid
i acted childish
but mum
it wasn't me
those mask just to shade myself
to cover up myself so that i can bring happiness around
inside.
.i am a person
with a mature n clear mind
on what i am doing
although sometimes i got distracted
still i am ur gal mum.
.i just don like to express myself to anyone
just like how much i don like my wounds to be exposed
i am way much tougher as u think
way much stronger as u think
way much mature as u think
way much calmer as u think
mum n dad
support me
and u will find urself have the greatest daughter ever......

Ric is back empty...
hi everyone..
so long never meet up here..
once upon a time i once felt that writing down blog is so funny n lame..
n i don have a patient to even finish writing down my own story and every time i just stop half way.
but today...
i deactivated my fb account..
an act to heal myself i guess.
n i came back to here i looked at the posts i posted b4.. i cant stop laughing.
maybe blog is a place for me
to hibernate
to get out of the hazard world
to hide from cold hearted people
to heal from wounds n hurt
to continue to stay in my own
simple,
nice,
warm world
watever day it, this day
ICE NINJA went ice skating again....
and whoever knows ICE NINJA weel will know that ICE NINJA likes to wear short pants
no reasons why
just like to wear short...
so before ICE NINJA went to ice...
she kept on thinking should she wear short pants or long pants...
however,
there was once a nightmare scared her....
that day...........
she went ice skating with her friend with short pants..
and ICE NINJA fell down
her legs got scratched and it bleeds...

there was no one helping her...
but a little girl asked her
JIE JIE DO YOU NEED A PLASTER?
so,
ICE NINJA never wear short pants for ice again......
she thought things will be ok with long pants and yet
her leg got hurt with her long pants on..

ICE NINJA learnt a lesson
NO PAIN, NO GAIN~~~
FUllY exPLORED sunWAy pyRamID
SUNDAY is always a good day to relax
even though i have already relaxed for so many days
SUNWAY is also always a good place to relax
even though i have relaxed there so many days
however,
instead of going to be ice ninja again
today i explored sunway pyramid with my friend....
aha..
we went to eat tuity fruity
a type of ice cream which is made from frozen yogurt.
but it was expensive cause it actually cost depends on the weight you pick for your ice cream...
we ate we walked we talked and we played...
first,
we went to snooker
wow...
they are so pro..
i mean of course not like what we watch from the movie
but i can really feel the passion of the people there towards snooker..
i just stood there and watch my friends play.
second,
we went bowling
however there are so many PRO people there and we just stood there and see...
amazing.~~~
then again
we went for archery
again i din play my friend played...
it seemed to be so hard for me to pull the thing
and my friend actually used lots of energy to do that...
just imagine me
how am i going to do that?
but my friend was great...
he shot nice shot...


lastly,
we went ice...
not to skate but to chit chat...
aha...
nice place for me to escape from the crowd..
my 4th home babe~
and again a day just finished like that~~~
Crazy CHUyee...
Before that, let me introduce you guys ICE NINJA's house
1st home
IPOH hometown
2nd home
SunU residence
3rd home
Monash library
4th home
pyramid ice rink
SO,
today is saturday..
and as usual, our beloved ICE NINJA woke up around 11.30 am as she was so tired of writing blog for the whole night yesterday.
so QUICKLY and EXCITEDLY,
ICE NINJA rushed to the toilet
get everything settled
and rushed to her 4th home with two pieces of AUNITE ANNE'S again
so she was so excited and kept on skating...
and there
our ICE NINJA met so many new friends
and she was always happy with YOGESH cause they are closed friends..
i mean only friends and he is sO funny..
and then
while YOGESH was helping a little boy to get up since he fell down
ice ninja went and took the rm 1 note from his pocket
and he of course he chased ice ninja to get back his rm 1...
Just when he touched his note, our hero-- ERIC
snatched away the money and the money broke into 2 pieces
poor YOGESH.
sadly he took back the worn note and out into his pocket

at this time,
ICE NINJA felt guilty for it
she started everything
and she felt sorry for YOGESH cause thats the money he earned...
thats his blood sweat money...
so she decided to become another hero
bravely,
ICE NINJA took the money again and replaced it to w new note and gave it back to YOGESH...
at this moment,
ICE NINJA felt proud...
cause she did something good....
i mean she did something so that the others won't feel sad
cause she knew the feeling of being treated like that...
and it is proved that,
ICE NINJA IS NOT A SELFISH PEOPLE
maybe others may not know.. but i feel proud for ICE NINJA..
HOWEVER,
at this moment,
she is only left with tired body and tired mind..
cause she skated from 12pm to 10pm and that is exactly 10 hours...
goonite guys and sweet dream